Stasi: 2015 had some ups, but more downers

Bill Cosby was finally called out in 2015 for being a sleazy. Now he's suing the women who's lives he reportedly ruined.BARRY GUTIERREZ/REUTERS

Bill Cosby was finally called out in 2015 for being a sleazy. Now he’s suing the women who’s lives he reportedly ruined.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

It was the best of times because never in the history of the United States have we had such an endless array of candidates who are off their rockers. They made us laugh, made us enraged, and outraged us enough to get off our collective butts and get involved.

It was the worst of times because never in the history of the United States have we had such an endless array of candidates who are off their rockers. They made us laugh, made us enraged and outraged us enough to get us off our butts and got involved. OK it was like getting involved with the wrong man because the man you’ve got just doesn’t got it anymore, but still …

It was the best of times because Charlie Sheen came clean about his HIV-positive status on TV. It was the worst of times because the lowlife allegedly lied to the women in his life — from his goddesses to his hookers — before having unprotected sex with them.

It was the best of times because Bill Cosby was finally called out for a lifetime of sleaze. It was the worst of times because now he’s suing the women whose lives he reportedly ruined.

Caitlyn Jenner Raymond Hall/GC Images

Caitlyn Jenner

Enlarge Kim Davis Timothy D. Easley/AP

Kim Davis

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Caitlyn Jenner (l.) came out in 2015, then became a public menace. Kim Davis (r.), who refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples  in Kentucky, was another downer.

It was the best of times because the terrorist group Al Qaeda began to deteriorate due to losses in their leadership, according to the State Department.

It was the worst of times because ISIS — the group President Obama once referred to as the “JV team” — has turned out to instead be the global equivalent of the Michigan Wolverines. This year alone, 30,000 foreigners have joined them to wreak death and destruction around the globe.

It was the best of times because the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. It was the worst of times because the four-times married, Kim Davis, who still somehow managed to have two kids between those marriages, invoked God when she refused to issue same sex marriage licenses in Kentucky. Davis isn’t against same-sex marriage, per se, it’s just that she used up all of Kentucky’s available marriage licenses for herself.

It was the best of times because the price of ivory dropped 50% in China where folks use it to show wealth — 96 elephants are poached and killed everyday to meet that demand.

It was the worst of times because slaughter-dentist Walter Palmer killed beloved Cecil the lion without being indicted, and Donald Trump defended his sons for killing an elephant, a leopard, a crocodile and a water buffalo in 2012, calling it on par with golf.

3TP EUO NARCH/NARCH30Peter Kramer/NBC via REUTERS

Charlie Sheen revealed he’s HIV-positive, but he allegedly lied to women before having unprotected sex.

It was the best of times because Caitlyn Jenner, nee Bruce, came out. It was the worst of times because now he won’t go back inside. Caitlin’s become as much of a publicity menace as the rest of the Kardashian women.

It was the best of times because black professor Rachel Dolezal became head of the NAACP in Spokane, Wash. It was the worst of times because black professor Rachel Dolezal is a white professor in black face.

It was the best of times, because, well, it actually wasn’t. For the first time in 60 years, firearms killed nearly as many people as cars, according to shootingtracker.com. As of Tuesday, in the U.S. this year alone there have been 367 mass shootings — more than one per day. There were 50,947 gun incidents that killed 12,911, including 670 children, which left 26,117 injured in total.

Remember folks, guns don’t kill people, deranged people, gun manufacturers, and the NRA, which should be listed as a terrorist organization, kill people — an ever-increasingly huge, heartbreaking and disgusting number of people.

We Americans can do better than that because we are better than that.

Steve Harvey holds up the card showing the winners after he incorrectly announced Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez as the winner at the Miss Universe pageant on Sunday, Dec. 20, 2015, in Las Vegas. Miss Philippines Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach was named Miss Universe. (AP Photo/John Locher) John Locher/AP

Steve Harvey holds up the card showing the winners after he incorrectly announced Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez as the winner at the Miss Universe pageant on Sunday, Dec. 20, 2015, in Las Vegas. Miss Philippines Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach was named Miss Universe. (AP Photo/John Locher)

Enlarge LAS VEGAS, NV - DECEMBER 20: Miss Philippines 2015, Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach, poses for photos after winning the 2015 Miss Universe Pageant at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on December 20, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) Ethan Miller/Getty Images

LAS VEGAS, NV – DECEMBER 20: Miss Philippines 2015, Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach, poses for photos after winning the 2015 Miss Universe Pageant at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on December 20, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

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Steve Harvey made an error of epic proportions when he announced the wrong winner of the Miss Universe Pageant. The real winner was Miss Philippines Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach (r.).

HARVEY KEEPS DIGGING

It was a mistake of universal proportions. Steve Harvey announced the wrong winner of the Miss Universe Pageant — declaring onstage that the Miss Universe winner was “Colombia” (how about using her name, Ariadna Gutierrez-Arévalo?), when it was actually Miss Philippines, Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach.

Then while the tears of Miss Colombia, Sophia Vergara-lookalike Gutierrez-Arévalo turned from joy to humiliation, her crown and banner were stripped and placed on the real winner, Wurtzbach. Awkward.

Harvey who should have quit while he was behind, made it worse by then tweeting an apology — in which he misspelled the respective countries as “Philippians” and “Columbia.” Harvey who apparently hadn’t shown up for rehearsal of the final act was then caught on Snapchat blaming the teleprompter.

All this from the guy who wrote the best seller “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man?” Here’s a better idea: Think like a woman and ignore men who tell you to act like a lady.

Hillary Clinton was late returning to the podium because she was in the bathroom.JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images

Hillary Clinton was late returning to the podium because she was in the bathroom.

DEBATE WENT IN CRAPPER

Express Lines…What if they threw a debate and nobody cared? Saturday night’s Democratic debate was so poorly watched that the only thing people remember about it is that Hillary didn’t get back to the podium in time because Lis Smith, girlfriend of sleazy ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer, was using the bathroom stall, which Hillary needed. Odd, because in October, Hillary’s staff got locked in another bathroom … A woman in Florida is facing misdemeanor battery charges for giving her husband a beatdown for farting in bed. Jail? How about a Presidential Medal … Variety reports that Harrison Ford made 50 times more than his young co-stars John Boyega and Daisy Ridley in “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” But then again, Ford’s movies have earned Hollywood over 6 billion big ones. The Force got him cheap ….

It's Donald Trump who acted like a total "schlong" when he used the insult on Hillary Clinton. James Devaney/WireImage

It’s Donald Trump who acted like a total “schlong” when he used the insult on Hillary Clinton. 

TRUMP ACTS LIKE A TOTAL ‘SCHLONG’

Oh, The Donald. Seriously? Trump, who had recently fallen flat on his tokus making Jewish jokes to Jews, tried it again in Grand Rapids, Mich. Maybe his Jewish humor works better on WASPs. He said, Hillary, “ … was favored to win, and she got schlonged.” “Schlong” is Yiddish for “putz,” which is Yiddish for “schlong.” His insults to Carly Fiorina and Megyn Kelly almost pale compared to using such a disrespectful word directed at any woman, let alone one running for President. What a schmuck!

AND TO ALL A GOOD SMITE

’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House All the creatures were stirring From the mouse to the louse. The Donald was sledding as Bush hung his balls The Clintons were smiling Damn! They’d be back after all?

FOLLOW LINDA STASI ON FACEBOOK HERE.

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